I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
