Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
