He had one of those small greek statue penises
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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