I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
