you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize