I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
