Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
