Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize