I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
