Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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