she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
