i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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