dude i'm inner monologue high
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
