I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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