Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
