so that wasnt chicken after all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize