I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
