I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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