Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
