I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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