Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
