Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
