WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
