is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
