So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
