the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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