u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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