I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
