I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
