Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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