I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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