Your face is a jimmy john
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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