I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
