Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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