you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The air was thick with penises
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
