I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
