Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
