I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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