I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize