Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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