So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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