booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
