i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just tell him i said nine months
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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