just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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