I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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