Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
