when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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