Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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