Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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