And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
