i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
