They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
