Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
