Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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