We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
