My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
