If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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