i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize