1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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