when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
