Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
