All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
