i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
