from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize