I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
