I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
