im six kinds of drunk right now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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