maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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