do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
