this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
