I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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