We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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