Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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