It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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