Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
