it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
