Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
