I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
