I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
