it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
