I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
