No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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