he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
