I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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