my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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