it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
