Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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