just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
