I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize