we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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