So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
