it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize