At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So here I am, sexting at work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
